from fat to thin

Thursday, 17 November 2011

It's too early

I woke at 6:30 with headache and feeling sick. In fact i wake most mornings feeling sick these days, i put it down to the pain pills i have to take on a regular basis. But, there must be some way to overcome feeling like this every morning.

My insides and therefore my whole being feel like it's being poisoned by all the pills and potions i need to take. Some so i can get up in the mornings and some so i get some sleep. I don't think i slept very well either. Woke up feeling like i had tossed and turned and ended up bent the wrong direction. 

There has to be something that i can do to stop myself feeling like i've been poisoned every morning. Arthritis, or just living with pain, is a very odd animal i never know how bad it's going to be until i step out of bed and sometimes i don't know until i step out of the house and have to walk to the end of the street for a bus. Then there are days when i dont feel too bad, walking isn't bad either and then wham the pills wear off and i am just stuck wherever i may be. Usually i have to find somewhere to sit, have a bit to eat, take some pills and wait for them to work before i am then able to hobble on my way.

So i need pain management with less pills and arthritis managment without surgery. The answer seems simple, exercise and lose weight. So why don't i just get on with both? I think it comes down to acceptance. Whereas once upon a time not so long ago i could jump out of bed and be out the door in 15 minutes, if i had too, now it can take 2 hours. Accepting that my time table isn't the same as the world's. The beat of my drum is now different. 

I envy those people who say this is my life and this is what i'm doing with it and then do it. Whenever i try and do something like that reality kicks in and my family need me or i have yet another bill to pay or the cats need feeding and i have to slip back into life. I wish i could throw my clock away, live in my own time but i can't i have people who need me and things that need doing but just for now i will dream a little and pretend.

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