from fat to thin

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Not Good Enough

Why do we blog? 

For money ...
We want the 'gold star' ...
We want to be famous...
We want to be noticed...

I have come across many blogs, some good, some inspiring and some just bizarre, some short, some long, some toooo long and boring. I tried to write a blog like everyone else's but then i would find yet another different type of blog and i wanted to be like them. I tried to combine different ideas into one blog but that didn't work either. 

Or do we blog because we know we have something to say?

I did make the goal to blog every day but that kinda got lost in life and i was trying too hard to say what i really felt in my heart beacuse i wanted to fit in, be part of the crowd but really, really i'm not like anyone else even if my children liken me unto their Aunt Carole. We don't even look alike but okay we do sound alike.

Often when we compare ourselves to the others we don't feel good enough, but what is 'good enough'? who are we 'good enough' for? 

Yesterday i had to go into work to see my boss because i am now classed long-term sick and she gave me 'the talk' about how i would lose my job if i didn't come back to work'. I came away feeling not good enough, even though i can't change my situation, a damaged knee that there isn't a quick fix for, is a damaged knee - i also walk on crutches, nursing on crutches would be interesting.

Then a came home to problems and again i felt not good enough. In the muddle of busy-ness in the house i made food for those who wanted it, then i took myself to my room and shut the door. The universal signal in this house that says 'leave me alone' and they did. I talked to my friend who calmed me and made me see there was nothing i could change right now and to trust God.

Sometimes we just need to have faith (Heb 11:). It is not always possible to see the end of the tunnel from the beginning and there are times when we have to walk along has if we are blind folded and we feel we are not good enough and that we have failed. But God will lift us up and will send angels to carry us and to comfort us until we can see the light. Sometimes my days seem beset with trials and darkened but i know somewhere out there, there is the light. 

I am just one, i am just me and i am not perfected but loved of God, just as I AM.

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