Jumping around in the Night

No I wasn’t actually jumping around in the night but as I rolled over in bed about 3am I was suddenly struck with cramp in my right calf. I always remember my Mother telling me that when that happens I should jump out of bed and stand on a cold floor, then walk around until it eases.

With my left knee in continuous pain I wasn’t about to jump anywhere. So here I was at 3am with my right leg stuck as straight upwards as I could get it to go so I could grab the back of my calf and massage it vigorously to ease the cramp. It didn’t actually go completely until I was able to finally get myself out of bed and walk around.

Then I had another problem, I couldn’t get back to sleep. It is now 3pm and I have already been awake 12 hours so maybe I get to go to bed soon???

This would be the biggest problem to going back to work, I think. The fact that some nights I don’t sleep very well and some days my arthritis is more painful than others. I have already had the dosage of my pain killers doubled twice in the last two weeks and some days it’s not too bad but other days I think I could actually cut my leg off and probably wouldn’t even feel it, until I fell over of cause but then I often do that anyway.

So no sleep and an extra painful knee all day until now, at any rate who knows what is to come. If you want to know what it’s like to live with a debilitating disease/illness/disability you should have a read of Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino - http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

 

She has a way of saying it as it is and it’s all about choice. So what would you chose to do? What would be most important? 

7am

2 weetabix with honey and milk

Packet crisps

Water

12md

Cake and mocha with my friend in costa

Pm

Liquorice allsorts

6pm

Steak pie

Potatoes

Cauliflower

Carrots

Apple pie and custard

Be Wise! Be Wise!

‘O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise,...’ (2 Nephi 9:28)

I would say that I am a reasonably intelligent person of average demeanour with average faculties. So why, oh why do I do it? I know I shouldn’t eat all that rubbish, a treat is one thing, however many treats in one go is rubbish. None of it had any nutritional value. In fact sugar as no nutritional value at all and honey only slightly so no matter what the hype says, it’s still sugar. 

I wouldn’t mind so much if my insides didn’t react so badly to all this so called ‘nice food’. Actually I have a theory, no idea how I would prove it though? I only began to have digestion problems such as mild IBS when the manufacturer’s started using soya in manufactured cakes and chocolate until then I wouldn’t have gone near a soya product if there was nothing left to eat. Okay maybe I would have done but only when and if I was desperate.  Manufacturer’s use soya as emulsifiers, such as they would have used butter previously. Butter may taste better but it’s more expensive, however soya is so much cheaper. I never have any problems when I home bake, but then I wouldn’t use soya. And I can always taste it and it’s foul, bad, bad, bad. 

I also have a certificate in nutrition and I give advice to my patient’s about diet. So why, oh why do I do it? It’s all to do with the fact that although I have learnt the do’s and the do not’s in theory I have not actually learnt to put them into practice, I have not used wisdom. Oh foolish man (woman) that I am. Will I have learnt by the end of a week the do’s and the do not’s? Probably not because I am foolish and slow to learn so God will just have to keep reminding me again and again, which I’m sure he will, that some foods are best eaten very, very sparingly.

8am

2 boiled eggs and 2 slices of toast with little butter

Orange juice

1pm

Vegetable curry and rice – home made

Slice of chocolate cake

6pm

Cream puffs and Philadelphia

Cake

2 pineapple slices

9pm

Banana sandwich

Oh the wretchedness!!!

This morning I woke at 5:30 and climbed out of bed in need of a bathroom break (everyone needs one) only to find myself pitch forward into my daughter’s desk, I’m sleeping in her room at the moment, because of pain in my arthritic knee. Bearing in mind that yesterday I had a good day as far as pain went. I even managed to walk up stairs like a normal person; it’s my new thing, instead of one step at a time. And, I also managed to walk to the local shop for a loaf of bread with no aid (crutch or stick). I wouldn’t have like to have tried any further than that though. 

As you can imagine, or maybe you can’t, being pitched forward when I first stood up this morning was something of a shock to the system. To take pills (analgesia, pain killers) I need to eat at the same time of my stomach would just lurch and that wouldn’t be a good thing either. So at some ungodly hour this morning I had to make my way down stair, grab a slice of bread and then eat it, then take pills and then hobble back to bed. Where I laid huddled in my nice warm duvet feeling sorry for myself until my friend texted me at 8:30 (ish) to ask me to lunch. I did explain the situation to him and his texted reply was ‘its lunch then? :) 

So I hobbled out of bed again, ate some proper food. Did my exercises as prescribed by the physiotherapist – yes all of them – and put ice on my knee. By 10am I was beginning to feel a little more normal but still stressed when my sister phoned just for a chat. I had no sooner put the phone down when my friend from work phoned, just for a chat. It always amazes when that when things get on top of me someone just rings just for a chat, it’s like someone else is watching over me too. I did mention to my friend at lunch that I believed that there is some reason for all that is happening at the moment even if I don’t yet see it, God has a plan for me.

5:45am

Bread and butter and pills

9am

Bacon sandwich

Orange juice

12md

Costa mocha and coffee cake

5pm

6 butter puffs crackers – calories??? Probably best not to ask

Philadelphia cream cheese – lots

3 slices of Marks and Spencer’s chocolate Swiss roll – about half the roll, calories don’t ask

Note to self do not buy anything in a big box or a full size or that is not individually wrapped.

Today I weighed myself. It’s not something I do normally, although I do have scales that will weigh you to 0.1 of a lb. I weighed in at 248lbs (112.5kg or 17st 10lbs). I have put on 22lbs since I went off sick in May this year and it just as to stop .... STOP!!

Having a damaged knee may make exercise difficult but not impossible. I think the real problem is all the lovely goodies that I think my body needs but doesn’t really. I think my body has got to the point where it doesn’t know what food is supposed to taste like, as I eat far too much sugar. Crisps, chips, pies, etc I could give a miss to any day but a lovely bar of chocolate or a chocolate covered digestive and I just can’t resist. 

So I’ve decided to do a food diary, which will run a day behind as I don’t intend to stay up until I’ve eaten the last morsel of whatever grabs my fancy or until the very last stroke of midnight. Besides that would probably encourage me to keep eating until such time, which wouldn’t be a good thing.

I thought I would keep a food diary for a week, trying not to change too much of what I am eating and/or drinking. Also I hope to give some indication of the where and why of what I am eating. The plan is to be as honest as I can be in the hope it will either shock me or motivate me into doing something differently. A word of warning my diets normally last about 3 days maybe a week at tops but this as to be a whole life change and I’ve already said I don’t like ‘that’ word (diet) and I think it should be banned forthwith and immediately.

Monday food

7am

Egg scrambled in microwave with little milk

1 slice toast no butter

3 tomatoes from a tin

Orange juice – small glass

I need to eat in the mornings so that I can take pain killers

10:30

Instant coffee with milk

4 fingered kitkat

Needed a drink so what’s better then a drink with a biscuit

1pm

Heinz Tomato soup

3 slices bread

More pain killers

6pm

Home vegetable curry with rice

Yoghurt

Banana

Handful of peanuts

More pain killers

I did drink water or diluted juice throughout the day.

The greatest success to dieting is ...

... sleep!

Okay, it’s not sleep really but it is breakfast.  

The problem with night walkers is that they don’t get enough sleep during the dark hours of the night and therefore when it comes to getting up early enough to eat a proper breakfast they are just too tired to bother. The other point of note when it comes to night walkers is the fact that they snack all evening on food-like substances which are not really food.

Because our bodies are naturally hungry in the morning after 8+ hours of perfect sleep we should feed it. However, what to feed it? I am not a night walker and I cannot blame my lazy eating habits on lack of the right type of sleep nor the snacking late at night. I tend to sleep early but about 10pm and rise early about 6am. The problem I have is that I’m still lazy to cook food in the morning and often turn to a quick bowl of cereal or if I’m pushed some toast and jam. The only problem there is that an hour later I’m hungry again and then I start snacking and it not on the apple either. I don’t actually like apples.

I have heard it said in days gone past that we should go to work on an egg and eat an apple a day to keep the doctor at bay. There is some truth in this. For instance our bodies are built of protein blocks and throughout the day our bodies use these proteins to function and to repair itself, so it stands to reason that we should replace the protein that is used by eating more of it. 

Now I’m a lazy vegetarian, lazy because sometimes I need a bacon sandwich and haven’t yet given them up and do like the occasional piece of fish too. But, I could just as easily have a poached or scrambled egg or some baked beans on some toast. Another thing, I will not be giving up is bread. Bread can be one of the most processed foods there is but eaten in balance with everything else then why not, a bit of good bread. 

So it looks like breakfasts from now on will be egg, tomatoes (I love them out of the tin/can) and a slice of toast or for an alternative some baked beans on toast. Another great breakfast protein food is oats, as in porridge but watch out for the sugar and use skimmed milk.

I am talking to my sister here because I know she is reading this and she is a night walker, unlike me.

Let the healthy eating plan begin (I don’t like the word diet, means it will be bound to fail). 

ps. Tomorrow food diaries and do they work for me.

Food Glorious Food

Is it worth the waiting for,
If we live till eighty-four,
All we ever get is,
GRUEL,
Everyday we say a prayer,
Will they change the bill of fare,
still we get the same old
GRUEL

The words from the song from the show Oliver by Lionel Bart is a good way to start this post. is it just me or does food all taste the same? Why is it that bananas don't taste of anything any more and in particular they don't taste of banana. Or that you can't go into a sandwich shop or a cafe and buy a plain ham or cheese sandwich. They all have something added. Often something spicey and/or fattening. More on the lack of taste another time or maybe it's just me and taste buds have disappeared.

I am not going to name, names because i might get into trouble and besides it's down to individual choice but what happens when the choice you want isn't available. Now i like a hot chocolate. If i go to my favourite place for the said hot chocolate, a plain hot chocolate is about 215 cals for a prima sized. Or to you and me a small one, which isn't that small really. However i am always encouaged to add things to it such as syrup and cream. Now let me tell you something. Those extras will cost you nearly as much in calories as the drink itself. 

So the next time the specially trained barista says 'would you like???' don't forget to firmly shake your head whilst repeated the word 'no'. You may have to do this several times before you are heard but in the end it will be worth it, i am told. In fact practice in front of a mirror several times before using in public.

My body is a Temple ...

... my body is a Temple ... my body is a Temple.... it's my new mantra and you never know if i say it often enough it might even stick in my head long enough to do some good, but until then i thought i would like to share a few favourites of mine.

Firstly i'm a Marks and Spencer addict and nothing less will do, however i digress already trying to cover up my shame, oh the shame of it.

The lovely shop, as named above have produced totally chocolate covered digestive biscuits. They about the size of a saucer and come in a pack of 6. Each lovely biscuit is 165 cals. One on its own is fine for an occasional treat, but can you eat just one?? Personally i have to eat all 6, normally in quick succession but sometimes throughout one single solitary day. However i eat them by the end of the day they are all gone - 990 cals. 

Next up is what Carrs call Cheese melts. They come in a box. I've no idea how many come in one box but about 30 ish - probably more. Each cracker on its own is about 20 cals, no problem there. 5 crackers 100 cals - a treat. Well, i am owning up here and i can clear a packet in a day or so. Therefore my 100 cals can triple or quadruple - for instance 20 crackers is 400 cals. Marks and Spencer do their own version which are just as good and just as evil, in a very nice way of cause.

And the last little gem is Marks and Spencer Wiltshire Ham crisps. A 30 gram serving is 155 cals. They come in a 150gm packet. Therefore a packet is 775 cals. Before my daughter went off to university just the other week we would divide a packet in half by carefully weighing the contents and then sharing them out between us - 387.5 cals.

I don't normally eat all these things in the same day but definately in the same week. No sharing, no saving, i graze until they are all gone. Not good, and i may have to avoid the lovely Marks and Spencer's for a several weeks to come until i can control my craving. I need to lose a lot of weight. I know one treat a day is fine but several makes me a very fat person and a liar because i tell myself 'i'm not eating that much, i don't know why i'm putting on weight, honest, honest'. It totals to 2165 cals extra a week and sometimes more then once a week. I hearby confess, not to you but to myself.

... my body is a Temple ... my body is a ... chocolate biscuit... mmmm yes please!

My Life

First I must apologise for my absence, just in case you noticed. It wasn't of my making but the fact that my computer cable broke at the point of connection to my laptop. Apart from telepathically transmitting my blog it as been a case of wait, for the postman, that is. I still don't have a new wire but i have managed to fiddle with the old one to get it to connect and stay on but for how long, i do not know.

But this is my life!

Several months ago i had a fall, in fact slip, down a flight of house stairs causing pain and swelling and lots of bruising on the four corners of my body, my knees and my shoulders, to be exact. However most of the bruising and the pain subsided but alas not the pain in my left knee, the pain of such joint just grew and grew and grew until i couldn't walk on it and could just about stand on it.

Further tests have shown that i now have marked osteoarthritis in that joint and in my other knee too but the left one is the troublesome one. I am in pain, all the time, The pain can be of a jack-hammer proportion and i mark that 8 out of 10. With sufficient analgesia i can usually get this down to 2 or 3 out of 10. However the fact remains i am in pain all the time. So my life now revolves around pills and physio, the later being rather if not all, very successful, thankfully.

I can now walk with 1 or 2 crutches depending on what mark my pain gets for the day and /or the arm of my BFF, who has more patience then a saint, which is another thing i am thankful for too. There are two things that i need to do to try and aid my recovery, 1) lose weight, and 2) keep mobile, - exercise, any and all, including walking. The journey will be long and arduous and the alternative is a replacement knee but right now i'm very attached to the old one and would like to keep it as long as possible. A plan i need, a plan i shall devise and go from there. Updates will be given at intervals but i would like to think i send out hope rather then pity, as in oh pity me, please. 

However would someone like to put my socks on my feet because i can't bend that far and it's getting colder day by day. Thanks.

Create space

I think if i was ever to move out of this house it would take me a month and that's not including packing before i even start to move things out. I look around and everywhere there are things i don't need, don't want, don't use and hidden under all these things are things that i do want, do need and would really like to use. 

In a box, on a shelf, in a room there is an whole collection of cd's and on these cd's are photographes. Thousands of them i would say, maybe even thousands and thousands. New technology maybe great but sometimes you just need to see the actually photograph. I keep meaning to get the cd's out and see what is on them and pick a few of my favourites and make a picture wall. I've picked the wall. I've even decorated it but i still haven't sorted through those cds.

Whilst i am on the subject of cds let me share a word about dvds. I am trying to get rid of mine. Okay they may be a few i would like to keep, mainly because they were given as gifts or just i enjoy watching them. But alas in this age of techno-wizardry i can watch any film within a few minutes with just a few clicks of my computer keyboard. So I am being brave. I have instructed my children to take whichever ones they want and except for a few the rest are leaving for sunnier climes.

I have many things in my home, which i no longer use but hang on to just in case but there are many people out there that may need what i have and no longer need. Modern society would have us believe that re-cycling is something new, well it's not, sensible man has always shared his surplus with others. I remember when i was a child my Dad bartering his surplus of home grown vegetables with that of a neighbour. I once said if the local council provided re-cycle bins, i would re-cycle, they did and i do, it's not enough we need to stop buying more of what we don't need and don't want. 

Do the four ...

... prayer often, read your scriptures daily, go to church and pay an honest tithe.

Maybe this blog should be do the one, but which one? 

Up until last summer my eldest daughter Grace, hadn't attended church for sometime. In fact she didn't want anything to do with church and if i happened to mention something to do with church i would get that side-ways grimace, which said 'no, don't bother'. But last year things changed, she changed, it was her decision to change but i know God helped her in her decision.

For six years i didn't, speak about church and/or God to her. Or so it seemed, but my heartfelt prayers went up every night. Some is love, some in desperation and some in anger but they went, one way or another on her behalf. So maybe i should leave prayer as number one? 

We are counselled to pray often, pray in our hearts, in our closets, in secret, with loud voices of praise but the message is the same whatever way you chose, pray, pray, pray. God is listening and if he seems a little slow to answer remember our time is not his time, but know that He is always listening and will always answer. There are times when i have prayed over and over again for the same thing and waited long for the answer and even when the answer came it wasn't the one i desired, but then comes acceptance and sometimes that's hard to do but then untold, innumerable blessings descend.

But how do i know these things? I read God's holy words day by day. You cannot teach what you do not know and you cannot know what you have not read and learnt. I will be the first to admit that finding even my favourite scripture can sometimes take a little time. However we need to know for ourselves the blessings that come through knowing God and living his commandments and we can only do that by reading scripture.

After a world-weary week i only have to spend a few hours at church with like-minded people who speak the same language to know i am loved by God. That although life may not be what i would like it to be i am not alone, i am not forgotten and i am not invisible to Him. To me church on a Sunday is my opportunity to give back, to the God's church and his people by sharing his words and the my testimony of the truthfulness of his words with others. I count myself lucky to be able to teach and humble to know that He guides my every word.

And number four, that's simple - 'Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.' (Malachi 3:8). Then come the blessings - ...prove me herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if i will not open the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it (vs 10) ... And i will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground (vs 11) ... All nations shall call you blessed (vs 12). What more do you need?

Repeat after me - God loves me - again and again until you feel it in your very core. Now live like you mean it.

Food Store

Joseph in Egypt tells the Pharoah of a coming famine, where there would be 7 years of plenty and 7 years of lean (Genesis 41). The Pharoah was wise and headed Joseph's counsel and started to buy up land, grow crops and built appropriate storage during the years of plenty and at the end of that time the food supplies were used to feed the whole of Egypt and beyond.

Today the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the only church to have a living prophet, President Thomas S Monson, have also given counsel to store now what will be needed in the future. They give the following counsel;

1. Gradually build a small supply of food that is part of your normal, daily diet until it is sufficient for three months.
2. Store drinking water.
3. Establish a financial reserve by setting aside a little money each week, and gradually increase it to a reasonable amount.
4. Once families have achieved the first three objectives, they are counseled to expand their efforts, as circumstances allow, into a supply of long-term basic foods such as grains, legumes, and other staples.
   http://lds.org/ensign/2009/03/family-home-storage-a-new-message?lang=eng&query=home+storage

Let me make this even more simple - 

a. Find a pad of paper and a pen

b. Write down everything you eat and or drink for a week, create a list, remember it's emergency food not a feast but do add chocolate

c. Find a box, cardboard or otherwise, it doesn't really matter and put it where you can see it so it will be a constant reminder

d. Decide on a budget, add a money jar to the box, even small change can go a long way when necessary

e. Buy only what you are going to eat, you may have to live on what is in the box

f. Be diligent in adding to the box, work on gathering a week's supply of food, then 2 week's supply and so on. Try and leave the food you buy in its original packaging if possible, use in date order

g. Last one, add bottled water

A word of warning we do not know what tomorrow may bring but we can try and be as prepared as possible. Do not think of Home Storage as only available for use in times of extreme famine as in Joseph's time but we all have lean-times, when we are sick or we are unemployed. In these times of uncertainty it is necessary for us to take action and do that which the Lord has counselled us to do and store that which we may need in the future.

“Many more people could ride out the storm-tossed waves in their economic lives if they had their … supply of food … and were debt-free. Today we find that many have followed this counsel in reverse: they have at least a year’s supply of debt and are food-free.”

President Thomas S. Monson, “That Noble Gift—Love at Home,” Church News, May 12, 2001, 7.

What did I see?

My daughter Emily is always telling me i should look around me for inspiration to write my blog on as there are times when i get bloggers-block. First off i normally write at 6:30 in the morning and it's 6:30 in the evening. As i look out the front window, the wind is blowing the branches of the trees, the rain is coming down and the sun is shining on the houses opposite. It is said that Englishmen can always talk about the weather, well are you surprised?

I once, several years ago now, travelled from my home in Yorkshire south along the M1 and in the space of about 200 miles we had travelled through sunshine, rain, thunder and lightening and even hail and snow. Thankfully there is no snow today. In fact i think it rained long enough to wet all my dry washing again, which was outside on the line, just before i arrived home about 2 hours ago. Another english thing i believe.

Anyway, today was the first week of the MIND mood boosting reading group, which is held at the local library. There were 9 of us today and a new lady called Diane who will be running the group. By the end i'm not sure she knew what to make of us or what to do with us, but any how she managed to get most of us to chose a book to read - The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Scaffer and Annie Barrows. Not started it yet so i have no opinion, but will let you know.

Now the wonderful thing about autumn and the english weather is that you don't need to make any excuses about curling up on a comfy sofa with a fluffly blanket and a good book. So i would like to encourage you all to partake of such an adventure often and at will - enjoy.

Breakfast and chocolate biscuits

Okay, chocolate biscuits are not the best thing to eat for breakfast but these days of pills first before i can even get up it seems to be what's on offer in my bedside cupboard. The routine is, take pain killers, eat chocolate biscuits, wait about an hour for them to work then get up and eat proper breakfast. Probably not the best thing to be eating at any anytime of day but especially not for breakfast.

In my mind's eye i have this image of hot buttered toast and masses of fresh fruit all served up on a silver platter. Well maybe not the platter but served would be nice. Seeing as that is no longer an option has 'the daughters' have spread their little wings yesterday and went off to university with threats of  'i'll be back' as they wandered off into the twilight. The work for them begins today and i don't expect to see them before Christmas, at the earliest.

However i digress or should that be digest? I think with having a busy busy house and feeding the 5,000 over the summer my digestion has given up trying to work but it is time to get things back on track. I am a migraine sufferer, every month with no fail. On top of that i have this constant nagging headache, which is telling me i am not eating right. Also i have been off sick work and fairly immobile for about 4 months now, with an injured knee and less exercise and more stodge in the way of food has made me heavier then i would really like to be. So the race, only with myself of cause, to lose the stodge, get back on track with whatever exercise i can do and to shift not only the weight recently added but shift all the excess weight, which is far too much, in on.

The other confession i need to make here is that i am a chocolate-olic or maybe just a sugar-olic either way it's not good and must stop immediately - maybe after i've eaten the rest of the chocolate biscuits, but not all today - honest :)